Every year Plexipixel does a white elephant gift exchange. Last year’s was particularly memorable for the one of the worst gifts in history: a shrunken head made of either rat or goat skin and real human hair. It smelled really really bad.  (Runner up was from 2 years ago: a football made of meat). Two years ago, lucky Matt won what is universally considered to be the best gift ever: a fez. Jesse questions Matt’s methods and is still sore that it was only his for one glorious moment. In his own words, “That damn fez that Matt stole from my grubby paws 2 years ago was the best hat I’ve ever seen and it still eats me alive.”

Here is a play by play of this year’s event:

Nora started it all off by reaching for the largest gift. It was a bold move, knowing she may have to cart it home. But the big plastic pig dressed as a Texas sheriff proved to be one of the most sought after gifts in the entire pool, and she eventually lost it. She wound up with her 3rd, and only non-pig themed prize: a 4x4 block of beef flavored Cup Noodles, which she has donated to the studio kitchen in an effort to sacrifice our lives for that of her unborn child.

Kristi was lucky. She opened a new gift and found a Magic Garden and a bottle of Makers Mark. She deserved it, though, after being forced to keep the disease-encrusted shrunken head from last year, which apparently “has made its rounds around the dev loft for a bit, hiding under folks desks until discovered. Who knows where it will end up next.”

Ian R. turned down the pig and Maker’s and went for a new present. He also went large and got a vintage gumball machine, which is destined for his son’s bedroom. So far he has discovered that it accepts money perfectly, though so far dispenses nothing.  Perfect for a newborn!

Troy picked up a rock…carved with the phrase “You Rock!” In the end he may have considered grabbing the gift he contributed and running out of the room. Instead he kept the rock. He’s looking at it right now.

Lisa stole “The most amazing 3 feet tall piggy bank that resembled the love child of Yosemite Sam and Porky Pig” from Nora. She made a valiant effort to hide it from view for the remainder of the afternoon so no one would take it. It worked somehow, but gave it bad juju, and it is now an evil talisman that haunts the dark corners of her living room.

Ian H. took a chance and found an original, framed Troy Parke drawing, which, to the envy of many, is displayed in his new home.

John took Nora’s 2nd gift: 4 jars of Baconnaise. He eats it for lunch every day. “Who would want anything other than Baconnaise?” John asks. Anyone?

Jamie reached for a new present: a hamburger telephone. There was nothing she wanted more. However, realizing that with no landline, the true value of the gift would not be realized, and she would perhaps be depriving someone of the pride of speaking through a hamburger, she gave it away. Kudos!

*update from Jamie: “I tried to convince everyone that it was one of the worst gifts but my “survivor” alliance abandoned me.  Next year I will form a better alliance and use it to crush the backstabbers on this years alliance."  Watch out for Jamie and Jesse whispering in empty meeting rooms.  They best be left alone.

Andy reached for the pretty present in a bag, and found a desktop aquarium, beer bottle bands, and a “mug boss” (pen organizer thingy.)

Allen chose a pair of lego ipod speakers. Though he would have liked Troy Parke original artwork, he figured the gamble of it being taken away and most likely being stuck with the worst gift was not worth it.

At this point or moments before, most people noticed Andy come back in with a mailing tube stuffed with pink egg crate foam.  I think both Andy and the present were there before but he had somehow swept out of the room unnoticed. Anyway, both were back now.

Jesse went for a new gift and found more “Glowstick-like tubes that can be connected in a circle a-la bracelets or necklaces” than any man needs. He really wanted “Deputy Hambone” the cowboy piggy bank. Seems he’ll never win.

Matt tried his luck on an unopened gift, and found a Sarah Palin 2009 calendar, which he “thoroughly enjoyed doing [his] part for the planet and recycled the calendar moments after receiving it. I closed the loop!” Isn’t that feeling better than a bottle of Maker’s Mark? You decide!

Amber tied with Nora for most gifts opened. The last gift she opened was the mailer tube stuffed with egg crate foam. Inside was a used travel-size bottle of Axe body spray. From  theaxeeffect.com: “One application of the new improved Axe and you’ll smell like a hunk of man candy all day long. Which is good, because babes like man candy. Lots.”

Stephanie decided she wanted The Worst Case Scenario Survival Game and she has since played the game to exhaustion.  Recently, she told me that “It has taught me some very important and necessary survival skills, including How to Foil a UFO Abduction.” For the answer, see Stephanie in the design nest.

Vicky took home a Golden Girls DVD and a bunch of Kleenex. Deputy Hambone looked pretty good hiding behind Lisa, who may have “bit [Vicky] or cried” if she tried to grab it.  She may re-gift the DVD to the biggest long lost Golden Girls fan EVER. Thank you for being a friend.

I was last. I wanted the pig and the original Parke badly, but I didn’t want to be stuck with a Sarah Palin calendar or Axe body spray. I collect vintage games, so I went for Block Head, a game made of colored wooden blocks. I feel I came away a winner.

The final exchange between the best and worst were put to the test. We all had to decide between honesty and goodness. We all agree that Troy’s drawing and the pig are the best, many think the Sarah Palin calendar is this year’s shrunken head. In the end, we all rallied together and gave Andy’s Axe body spray back to him…and in an odd turn of events, Amber’s gift went back to her, which she plans to save for a future white elephant elsewhere.